A sexless marriage leaves you longing for the connection you once had with your spouse. Studies show about 15-20% of marriages are sexless. When sex dwindles, intimacy often follows. You start feeling more like roommates than lovers. Restoring a passionate sex life requires work, but for many couples, the rewards of a happier, healthier marriage make the effort worthwhile. 

But first, here are some common causes of intimacy issues in marriages.

  • A lack of physical intimacy is often a symptom of other underlying issues in the relationship — a communication breakdown. Intimacy only helps if you openly discuss your needs. 
  • Resentment, such as built-up anger, hurt, and bitterness, creates emotional distance. 
  • Lack of quality time. When life gets busy, intimacy is often the first thing to go. 
  • Body image issues. If you’re insecure, you’ll have trouble being intimate with your partner. 
  • Health issues such as certain medical problems like erectile dysfunction, pain during sex, or hormonal changes can impact your sex life. 

Here is how to reignite that sex spark in your marriage.

Restoring Intimacy

1. Flirt Like New Lovers

Do you remember when you couldn’t keep your hands off each other? Flirting and playful touches release feel-good hormones that boost arousal and desire. Compliment your partner, make eye contact, smile, and engage in light caresses. 

2. Address Any Issues

Resentment, hurt feelings, and other unresolved issues are desire killers. Have an open and honest conversation about the state of your relationship and sex life. Compromise when you can, accept responsibility for your actions, forgive past hurts, and commit to improving communication in the future. Clearing the air will help you both feel closer and more willing to be intimate.

3. Improve Communication and Reconnect Emotionally

Rebuilding emotional intimacy requires open, honest communication with your partner. Make time to talk to each other about chores and responsibilities and your thoughts, feelings, hopes, and dreams. Ask open-ended questions to get the conversation flowing, like “How did that make you feel?” or “What are you looking forward to?” Share your own experiences and emotions as well. This helps reignite the emotional connection you once shared.

A couple holding hands

4. Express Appreciation and Affection

Tell your partner you love them, kiss, hug each other, and hold hands. Physical intimacy leads to emotional intimacy. Don’t underestimate the power of touch. Make eye contact, smile, and engage fully when talking. Appreciate the big things they do and the small acts of kindness. Say “thank you” and give sincere compliments.

5. Prioritize Quality Time Together

With busy schedules, it’s easy to drift apart emotionally. Make time for regular date nights or other shared activities together. Do things you both enjoy, like going out for a nice dinner, seeing a movie, hiking, or just cooking a meal at home. Turn off distractions like your phones or TV and focus on connecting.

6. Be Willing to Compromise

Discuss your differences openly and look for compromise and solutions you feel good about. Be open to really listening to their perspective, not just waiting for your turn to talk. Find common ground and areas where you both want the same thing. Compromise is a crucial part of a healthy relationship.

When to Seek Professional Help 

If you’ve tried addressing issues in your sexless marriage but aren’t making progress, don’t lose hope. Speaking to a professional counselor or sex therapist can help get you back on track. A sex therapist is trained to address both physical and emotional aspects of sexuality. They can help determine if there are any medical issues impacting your sex drive or performance and provide treatment. They are also skilled in rebuilding emotional and physical intimacy, giving you strategies to reconnect sexually gradually.

Many couples have successfully navigated this challenge, and you can, too. For more on sexual addiction therapy, contact our office today to set up your first appointment.